I Am Job

So, one of the best parts of my job is that I get all incoming general emails. These range from the mundane (Where can I buy tickets?) to the arcane (What thread count are Jimmy Conrad’s bedsheets?).

The best ones, of course, are from foreigners, because, as we know, foreigners are funny.

I’ll share some of the better ones with you as an on running feature of this blog. I’ll go ahead and give you the best first…note that we got these within minutes of each other, all from the same guy.

---

Subj: football

HI! MY NAME IS SERKAN KESİCİ I WAS BORN IN ISTANBUL IN 1973. I'M

INTERESTED

IN SPOTRTS , ESPECIALLY FOOTBALL. I' M THIRTYTHREE YEARS OLD NOW. IN AUGST,

I WILL BE THIRTYFOUR. I' M MARRIED AND I LIKE SO MUCH FOOTBALL.. WHEN I WAS

GOING TO HIGH SCOOL, I WAS PLAYING FOOTBALL AT SCHOOL TEAM. BUT I HAD TO

LEAVE PLAYING FOOTBALL BECAUSE MY LEFT LEG WAS BROKEN ON A TRAFFIC

ACCIDENT.

BUT NOW, I DON'T HAVE A HEALTH PROBLEM IF YOU DON'T SAY MY WHITE HAIR AND

EXTRA FIVE OR SIX KILOGRAM. I WANT TO SAY THAT: I STILL PLAY FOTBALL VERY

WELL. I DON'T HAVE PROFESSIONAL LICENCE BUT I BELIVE THAT; I CAN PLAY

FOOTBALL FURTHER FOUR OR FIVE YEARS. IF YOU YOU DON'T GIVE A CHANCE FOR

PLAYER, I WANT TO EDUCATE YOUNG PLAYERS BETWEEN 13/15/16/18 YEARS OLD FOR

FOOTBALL WORLD. IF THE OPPORTUNITY WAS GIVEN, I WANT TO TRAVEL OLL OF THE

TURKEY OR WORLD IN ORDER TO, WATCH YOUNG PLAYERS , FIND CAPABLE YOUNG

PLAYERS AND PROPOSE  AS THE OFFICIAL WORKER FOR FOOTBALL CLUB.I BELIEVE ITTHAT; I CAN BE SUCCESSFUL IF I HAVE A ASSISTANT WHO CAN SPEAK ENGLISH VERY

WELL,  A DRIVER, LAPTOP ,350 OOO EURO PER A YEAR. PLANE TICKET  FOR GOING

TURKEY AND CAME BACK TWICE A YEAR. I WANT A CHANCE TO WORK  WITH THESE

CONDITIONS AS LIKE A MANAGER.

SINCERELY YOURS,

MY MOBILE PHONES:......05376620496

MY HOME PHONES:....+9002126675272

MY ADRESS:  ......S.ÇİFTLİĞİ MAH.187.SK. N.32 GO.PAŞA/İST

---

Subj: 1football İNGİLİZCE

MY NAME İS SERKAN KESİCİ 01/08/1973 İSTANBUL B.PAŞA BİRTH I CANT SPEAK ENGLISH I CAN SPEAK TURKISH THİS İS MAİL ENGLİSH DİCTİONARY VOCABULARY WRİTİNG I MARRİED AND ONE GİRL FOUR YEAR I SPORU AND FUTBALL VERY LOVE AND38/39 YEARS OLD PLAY FUTBALL İNTERETED MY FUTBALL LİCENSE I HİGH SCHOLL PLAY FUTBALL TODAY STAR OKAN BURUK [GALATASARAY İNTER BEŞİKTAŞ MUSTAFA KOCABEY GALATASARAY SAMSUNSPOR ÇANAKKALE KAYSERİ PLAYRS I PLAY FUTBALL THİS İS NAME WRİTE CAUSE REASON SOURCE REFERANS APPROUAL CANSENTNATURE NOT I GOOD PLAY FUTBALLEXPLAİN TELL METOME MADDİ[TURKİSH]AND MORAL SPİRİTUAL POSSİBİLİTY PLAY FUTBALL İNTERESTED I HAVE 1991 TRAFİC ACCİDENT MY FOOT SEARİNG LONGTİME PLAY FUTBALL HEAD WHİTE AND 2/4 KG REMAİNDER BUT FUTBALL LOVE 7/8/ YEAR PLAY FUTBALL WANT BESİDES 16/17 YEARS OLD HE PLAY FUTBALL LOVE AND ADAGUATE COMPOTENT GUALİFELD HE NAME İS SERDAR KANBER MY SİSTER İN LAW SİSTER OF THE WİFE SWARM OF BEES SERDAR KANBER İS FUTURE STAR UNİTY UNİON ASSOCİATİON MONEY MADDİ[TURKİSH] AND MORAL SPİRİTUAL POSSİBİLİTY PLAY FUTBALL CLUB I 39 YEARS FUTBALL LEAVE POSSİBİLİTY MANY ALOT COUNTRY YOUNG ABİLİTY CAPACİTİYTALENT ESTABLİSHİNG PROVİNG FUTBALL COUSETOWİNSTHOR TECNNİGUE DİREKTOR SERDAR AND I SERKAN KESİCİPROFESYONEL NOT BUT LOVE FUTBALL FUTBALL ABİLİTY CAPACİTYTALENT AEROPLANE TİKET AND PASSOPART MONEY NOT BUT LOVE FUTBALL YOURS FAİTHFULLY THANK YOU VERY MUCH……….. SERKAN KESİCİ 05376620496 02126675272 ADRES:S.ÇİFTLİĞİ MAH.187.SK. N.32 G.O.PAŞA/İST PK.34110 serkankesici@mynet.com pocket telephone05376620496 message ……+905376620496 house telephone +902126675272

---

Subj: football İNGİLİZCE

answer for your mail thank you very much 350000EURO one year for pay reguest. l am this figure accept l one year play football this figure but house hire taxs gift airplane passaport vize language similar expenses club pay indemnity cash on delivery provide lam serdar also bring wish for if you serdar what as much as give if merely my come you are wish for and play fotball wish for your proposal accept thank you very much regards you are answer positive or negative wait club play football l pride feel perceive learn hear……. telephone +9002126675272 house ………pocket telephone +9005376620496 adress s.çiftliği mah.187sk. n.32 pk.34110 g.o.paşa/ist

Tags: foreigners, Soccer