The Worst Thing Anyone Has Ever Said

I was enjoying a pleasant game of Scrabble one night at a friend’s house, when, out of nowhere, one of the other guests said: “So, I was reading some gay ICP fanfiction on the Internet last night…”

This drew both catcalls and alarm. When confronted as to how and why he arrived this erotica, he claimed to have followed a link from a music forum. You be the judge.

My big mistake was asking him to describe it to us. Apparently, it was not at all tasteful or well done…no Anais Nin, this Jugalo scribe.

Other than asking others to “Hold me like you did by the lake on Naboo”, talking about the gay ICP fanfiction on the Internet has become my favorite conversation starter. Come to think of it, maybe the same person responsible for gay ICP fanfiction also wrote the dialogue for “Revenge of the Sith”. It would explain a great deal.

Of course, I have not actually sought out these tawdry tales of clown-on-clown action. Allow me to now LIVE BLOG!!! as I do so.

0624 GMT, March 19, 2008 (Hammer Time)

The clock turns to 1225 here in CDT (GMT-6+1). I am closing my Facebook window…nah. New window. Good start, fresh start.

0626 — another minute turns as George Washington accepts command of the Continental Army behind me in “John Adams”.

First search: EUREKA! This was much easier to find than expected.

Title: “I Ask Myself Why”
Author: hexeengel, copyright © 2005-2006 S.E.J.
Fandom: ICP
Pairing: J/Shaggy
Category: Slightly angsty, lots of yearning. Rating/Warnings: NC-17 for language and graphic depictions of sexual acts and homoeroticism.
Summary: A brief moment of intimate contact during a video shoot leads to entirely new levels of J and Shaggy’s relationship
Disclaimer: “If I didn’t see it, it’s not illegal!” “I know my rights, you can’t prove anything!” …In other words, this never happened. “You can’t see me!”
Notes: Inspired by a quickly passing and easily disregarded sequence in the “How Many Times” video. In relation to the timeline of my other fics, this occurs between “”Fuck Y’all, We Got Each Other” and “I Have No Control of Me.” Plus, more activity than just hands and oral, a first for “my” ICP, and we see a new side to them both as well. Enjoy.

Sample Prose:

He squeezed his eyes shut and inhaled sharply as he lifted his head. Fine den. No more playin’. “Joey,” his eyes popped open, “I need you.”Later, Jay thought he remembered seeing a grin before Shaggy growled and pounced.

Neither man felt in control as the storm finally broke between them, an intense flurry as lips met and clothing vanished. Soon their flesh was pressed close once again, their fingers seeming to leave trails of fire in their wake as both men readily remembered the feel of the other. Jay loved the almost graceful muscle definition the man above him possesed, and Shaggy reveled in the firm yet giving form that cushioned his weight. As tongues entwined and mouths only hungered more, four hands traveled over every inch of skin available, inevitably finding their way to the achingly hard lengths pressed between the two men’s bodies. Shaggy’s airy gasp accompanied Jay’s gutteral moan as those most sensitive of nerves became all the more engaged, and their passions blazed on.

I must admit that this was all I had hoped for, and more.

Leaning together again, Jay’s tongue mimicked his cock, working in and out of Shaggy’s mouth. The only way Shaggy could have thought to describe how the two motions together made him feel, was filled, completely and perfectly.Their confidence growing, caution quickly left the room and the thrusting of both men increased in enthusiasm. They moved together faster and harder, noises more closely resembling animals than men muffled by the pressure of their lips together. Jay let his fingers play over Shaggy’s chest and down his stomach, working their way to the erection sandwiched between them. He circled the head teasingly with one finger while Shaggy nearly squealed in his begging for more solid contact. Jay granted that to him, and the resulting moan sounded like melting. His hand curled around that rigid shaft and squeezed, then began stroking, starting slow but quickly working up to match and then surpass even the near frantic pace of his hips and tongue. Shaggy’s hole gripped him just as tightly, and he did all he knew how to hold off, wanting his partner to finish first.

At least Jay’s no two-pump chump. Well, not in the fanfiction, anyway.

All this and more can be found here.